An Insuring Situation
by Uncle Charlie
Summary: UNCLE is self insured to take care of all those little mishaps in the field. So when THRUSH decides to file, it's a working stiff to the rescue.


Nobody has anything good to say about insurance until they need it. Honest. It's the truth. Everyone grumbles about it until they have a claim, then suddenly I'm their best friend. UNCLE is no different from anyone else.

I didn't start life planning a career in insurance. I wasn't to be something exciting, but when the opportunity came to go to college, I grabbed it. Best experience of my life and the most inspiring. When you are in college, you think you can change the world. That's when I met Felicia for the first time. She was in my philosophy class and the very first time I saw her, I knew she was the woman for me. She was smart, driven and beautiful.

I did everything I could to attract this creature to me, which meant really upping my game, not just in this class but all of them. She liked intelligent men, so I drove my GPA up to 3.9. She liked a polished, well-groomed man, so I ditched my jeans and tee shirt for a three piece suit and tie. She liked men who had their whole future planned out. This is what tripped me up.

Sadly, the world after you graduate was a whole other ball game. I had a degree in English and you have three options open to you: head straight for a Master's program, teach, or get a nice job in the food or clothing industry. I was broke and my folks were tapped out, so staying in school and adding more debt seemed silly. Most schools wanted a Masters to teach, so that option also was out the window. Strangely enough, the last one seemed the most attractive.

However, that was not the path that Felicia would want for the man of her dreams. I knew I had to do something other than bus tables if I was going to get her attention and prove I was a worthy candidate for her boyfriend. That's because, up to this point, we hadn't done much more than talk after class. Still, I was determined to make her mine.

My chance came quite by accident. I was talking to a friend, who mentioned there was an opening in the mail room of the company he worked for. Regular hours, a decent wage and an ability to move up. I made that job mine, even though they'd already decided on someone else. It was enough to keep Felicia interested.

I worked hard, brown nosed when I had to and, as a result, *bam* I was moving up the ladder. I went from the mail room to working in the office. I'm not sure how I ended up in claims, but it was a match made in heaven. However, by that point, it was too much, too late. Felicia committed the worst offense possible and fell in love with someone else. Then she had to go and marry the jerk. Broken hearted, I poured myself into my job.

You want variety, you stick around in claims for a few days. Some of the stories people told us should have been filmed. They were much better than the crap up there on the screen. Better than that, I had a natural talent for claim processing. I could tell when someone was handing me a tale of fiction and when someone was telling the truth. That didn't stop people from trying, but they didn't get very far with me.

Just when everything seems perfect and life is exactly what you want it to be, everything changes. I was making decent money, I liked what I was doing and made the mistake of thinking how great life was. Note, the use of the word 'was'.

One day there was a meeting and we were told that big changes were coming. Claims was being moved out of state. I couldn't imagine leaving New York, much less the state. They offered a nice compensation package and a heartfelt recommendation, but in the end, I was still out on the street. Turned out it was the best thing to happen to me. A couple dead end jobs later and I was back in the job market, looking for something, almost anything at this point.

I was standing in line to get a hot dog when I heard a familiar voice.

"Sylvo, is that you?" I looked around and it was Felicia. We embraced like long lost family and I relished the feel of her body against mine. "How are you?"

I had to admit Felicia looked not so great. For the first time since I'd known her, she looked… well, beaten. Her hair was kinda stringy and limp and there were bags under her eyes. Even her clothes, which had always been neat and clean, looked tired and uncharacteristically out of fashion.

"Could be better." I rubbed my unshaven chin. "You know what they say about a city without pity."

"It isn't very pretty." We both laughed at that and she looked over her shoulder as if she was expecting someone.

"Looks like you are doing okay, though."

"Thanks, but you're lying and I know it. I look like hell. A divorce will do that to you." Tears welled up in her eyes and she looked away. "I'm just glad there weren't children involved," she murmured after she'd had a chance to regain her composure.

"What happened? I thought you wanted a house full of kids."

"I did, but he didn't. He changed his mind… and a lot of other things once we got married." The guy whose stand we were taken up prime space scowled and we took the hint, heading for a nearby bench.

"At least I have a pretty good job and I've got a part time one lined up. It's just until I get back on my feet."

"That's great." I wanted to add, _does he need anyone else?_ But my pride was too much. I think Felicia could tell that something was wrong. She reached out and put a hand on my arm.

"Are you really okay, Sylvo?"

"Just got laid off from my dream job. I was a claims adjuster, all set to make manager and then they shipped everything out of state -"

"Claims?" she interrupted excitedly. "That's what I'm doing now. Hey, you interested in an interview? I know we're hiring and I could put in a good word for you. They are a bit extreme, but worth it."

The next thing you know I was being fingerprinted and investigated, eventually to be given a thumbs up. The whole process was a blur, but I found myself standing in front of a desk in a fairly nicely furnished office. The man behind the desk was short and he looked like he had a matching temper.

"Your former employer tells me you have a gift. In fact, he couldn't stop talking about it."

"I guess you could call it that." I was trying to sound humble.

He pushed a folder towards me. "There are five claims in there. Four are real, one is bogus." He gestured to a small desk. "Take your time."

"Don't need to." I opened up the folder and looked through the top sheets of the five claims. The form was different than what I was used to, but all the information was there. I shifted through them once and pulled out one from the stack. "This one is your bogus claim." I handed the sheet to him.

His mouth dropped open. "How…?"

I wanted to say, "No idea" with this air of confidence, but future employment was riding on this. I spread out the claims. "What is the first thing that catches your eye?"

"How neat this one is."

"That's usually your first clue. People filling out claim forms are upset, stressed and usually distracted. Neat is not the norm. It's not always the case, but it's usually a red flag. What else?"

"It seems as if everything is documented and concise."

"Quick. What's the VIN of your car? Or its license plate?"

He thought for a moment. "I have no idea."

"Exactly. Missing information is common. Whoever filled this claim form out had time to make sure everything was just so. Plus it goes on to apply to your sympathy, but not too much, even admitting guilt at one point. They are working very hard to convince you that this is a real claim. It's usually not. There are always exceptions, but it a pretty safe call."

"You are right. The job is yours if you want it."

Of course I did. However, let me tell you, working insurance for UNCLE was very different than a regular insurance office. We were self-insured, which meant we did it all. UNCLE beat my old job on just about every front. though. More vacation time, more sick leave, more everything, but it came at a price. No one could know what I really did for a living, not even my family. You wouldn't think that would be a big deal, but it proved harder than you could believe. However, there were co-workers to help ease the pain, particularly Felicia.

Felicia was a ton of helping those first few months as I learned UNCLE's rather odd way of processing claims. She always was behind. It got to the point that I started taking some of her cases, unofficially. I mean my boss didn't care what I did as long as I looked busy. The way I saw it, it made the time go fasters and it put me in good with a woman I'd already spent considerable time trying to impress.

She was always grateful when II offered, but very selective about which claims she handed over. I thought she was just being considerate, though, until I got the hang of everything. I eclipsed her quickly, but didn't let on. Women like men who are smart, but not ones that made them feel stupid.

The divorce had really shaken her confidence in herself and I had to admit her second job seemed to really be dragging her down. She wouldn't talk about it, especially at work. I got a few bits from her on the subway – seemed we lived in the same neighborhood. The difference was she turned left and I turned right. There were nights when we paused to talk a bit longer, but inevitably she would look at her watch, gasp, and ramble off some excuse as she ran off.

There were times when I thought I was getting somewhere, but realistically I was starting to think we'd only be friends. Strange how the world can change in the blink of an eye.

"You are not going to believe this." Felicia set a claims form down on my desk. "These folks are saying that Kuryakin blew up one of their tanks with a can of spray cheese, a fire extinguisher, and a candle."

"I believe it. That man could do anything with anything." I'd never met the agent, except through paperwork. From what I understood, he and his partner were something else. I scanned the paper, smiling as I did. "Hey, are you doing anything after work? Would you like to get something to eat?" I was amazed that I did it without my voice trembling. I started to doodle on the claim form in front of me.

Felicia paused and I swore she could hear my heart pounding, then she smiled. "Yes, that would be fun." She tapped the paper. "So what do you think?"

"I think it's legit. If they'd claimed he used C-4, then they'd be lying."

She laughed and started to walk away. "That's what I thought, too." She paused at the door to my office. "I'll see you at five." I glanced down and must have looked funny. "What's wrong?"

I don't know why I did it, but a little bell was ringing in my head. "I just remembered, I have a meeting with Salzski at five. Can we make it six? I'll meet you in Reception."

"Sure. I'm sure I can find something to do in that hour." And she was gone, just like that.

I waited for the door to close and returned my attention to the claim form and said aloud. "I think we've got a problem." The Home and Recreation Urban Shopping Hub had hit us with a claim. THRUSH was suing us. How was this even possible? I studied the claims form again. The name of the authorizing agent was a mystery. I couldn't remember ever seeing the name Gemidie Nbysdi before. I shuffled through my reports, but didn't spot it again. That was very odd.

I stuffed the file into a drawer for safe keeping and went back to work. I didn't really have a meeting with my manager at six, so I headed for the men's locker room. It was a safe bet I wouldn't be seeing Felicia there. I wrapped myself in towels and headed to the steam room. There were just two other guys in the place and they were engaged in a low conversation with each other. I took a spot as far from them as I could and closed my eyes.

"You think there's a leak."

"I'm sure of it. Something is going on. Either that or THRUSH has found a new financer."

"Shh…"

I was sure they were looking at me and I don't know why I didn't speak up and tell them what I'd found, but I didn't. All night it ate at me, even while we had a romantic dinner at the automat and even as I walked her to the subway. For her part, Felicia was happy and at ease. She didn't seem to have a clue.

"Here you go, safe and sound." I gestured her on.

"You're not coming?"

"No. I need to do some shopping… special shopping." I winked and she giggled.

"Well, a lady knows when not to press any further."

I waved goodbye and headed back to the office. It's weird how strange everything feels when you are someplace at a different time. It was almost other worldly when I stepped into my office that night. And that's what I put the odd feeling I had in the pit of my stomach down to.

I pulled out the claim form and looked down at it. Then I looked again. The sheet was the same, but the name of the claimant had been changed. Now it read The Home and Urban Recreation Transport Hub.

I stared at that sheet of paper for a long time. I knew what I'd read. I knew what I'd seen. I also knew there was only one other person besides myself who knew that. With a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach, I made the call.

I liked Felicia. I liked her a lot and that made sitting at that round table twice as hard. I'd seen the names Napoleon Solo and Illya Kuryakin many times before. Hell, there weren't many claims that didn't come through without mentioning one or the other, either as a claimant, a witness, or both.

"You are certain about this?" I wasn't prepared for how compassionate Solo's voice could sound. I'd always thought him a tough-as-nail sort of guy. Then I recognized it. He was one of the men in the sauna.

"I… I am." I opened up a folder I'd found buried in the back of Felicia's file cabinet. "I don't think she actually meant for me to see this claim. It also explains why she always seemed to be behind on her work. She was busy doing other stuff." I pushed the folder away and felt sick to my stomach.

At the feeling of a hand on my shoulder, I looked up and into a pair of compassionate blue eyes.

"Betrayal, no matter the shape, always hurts," Kuryakin said. I had trouble reconciling this with a man who blew up bridges with toothpaste and soda pop. This was the second voice I'd heard.

I smiled a little. "I heard you guys talking in the spa. The one thing in her favor is that none of these claims have been filed yet."

"What? How do you know?"

"They are lacking the approval stamp from our section chief." I held up one as an example. "This is all ready to go, probably to be stuck in the middle of a bunch of legitimate claims."

Mr. Waverly harrumphed, a frightening sound in itself. "At least you caught it before the damage was done. However, there is still the question about what to do with Miss Holbrook."

I nodded. "What will you do to her?" I feared the worst.

"What do you we should do to her?" Solo sat forward and studied me.

"I… I don't know."

"She will have to be deprogrammed and dealt with."

"You mean… kill her?"

"We are not barbarians, sir" Mr. Waverly admonished me. "We have a secure facility where we place people deemed dangerous to our organization."

"Unless…" Solo tapped his finger on the table.

"Unless what?" His partner was all attention.

"It takes a thief to catch one. Maybe the same is true for claims adjusters."

"Morning, Felicia." Felicia looked up from her spot on the floor. She was trying to pull out the bottom drawer of her file cabinet.

"Hi, Sylvo. I'm a little busy right now. I've… misplaced something." I dropped the file onto her desk and her face paled. For a moment, I thought she was going to pass out. "I can explain…"

"I don't want explanations, I want in on the action."

"What? You're insane. You don't know these people."

"But you do."

"My… my husband. I didn't have a clue he was part of THRUSH. He only married me to get to UNCLE."

"But you said you were divorced."

"We are, I mean have… sort of… They… said he was caught stealing from THRUSH. The only way they'd let him live would be if I started filing claims for them. Once they've gotten compensation for what he owes them, he'll be free."

"So, you started…"

"Yeah, but I've been holding them off, telling them that we're backed up. Last week that changed."

"What happened?"

"They sent me a finger."

"Oh, my god."

"Yeah… so I can't… Sylvo, you need to just walk away and forget you saw anything. If they find out…"

"They UNCLE or they THRUSH?"

"Either, both." That's when Solo and Kuryakin entered the room and she really did look as if she was going to pass out. "I'm dead… Harry's dead." She started wailing.

Solo's face grew distressed. The stories about him and the ladies were apparently well-founded. "Now what?"

I pulled back my shoulders and tried to keep the quiver out of my voice. "I'll go." I looked at Felicia, who seemed so small and helpless. "When and where are you meeting them?"

Someday, I was going to learn to keep my mouth shut. There was a cold wind blowing down the collar as I sat on a bench. I'd seen the same guy wander by about three times and finally the chill of the night drove me to speak up.

"You looking for me?"

"Naw, I'm looking for a dame." His hand edged towards his pocket and I tried to swallow the ball of terror rising up from my gut.

"She's not coming." I placed a suitcase on my lap and positioned it so that he could see the contents when I flipped open the top.

He flinched, then relaxed at the sight of money, lots of money. "Then you will have to do."

Suddenly I was grabbed and abruptly everything went black. I'd always been afraid that my death would be painful, but apparently it wasn't going to be. It was an easy slide into oblivion. Coming out of it wasn't as easy. When I woke up, my head was pounding and my mouth felt as if I'd been sucking on a gym sock. The strangest feeling of all was of sitting upright and not falling over.

"Ouch."

"Oh, good, you are finally awake."

I opened my eyes to the smiling face of a stranger… no, not a stranger, the hot dog vendor. "What's going on?" And the answer to the not falling over were the ropes holding me in the chair.

"Oh, we would call this the culmination of a successful venture."

"I don't… Felicia?"

"Who?"

"The girl." A second man stepped from the shadows. "You know, my "wife." Somehow, his air quotes made my anger rise up and it chased away the nausea. He knelt beside me and grinned. "Some people are so easy to play."

"You had no right playing her."

"I'm not talking about her. I'm talking about you, claims boy. We've had our eye on you for a long time." He laughed. "Who the hell do you think organized that shake up in your office and got you laid off?"

"What?"

"I knew there was a chance that you'd transfer, but we had a contingency in place if you did." A picture flashed up on the wall and I blinked painfully. It was me, a very young me, and Felicia. "We knew you wanted her, so we got her into UNCLE and then went looking for you."

"Now you got me. Let her alone."

"Oh, no, I think now we will switch her role from bait to damsel in distress." He stood up and stretched his arms over his head. "Let me paint you a picture. You work with us and all will be fine. You refuse and your dear Felicia will meet up with an unfortunate accident."

"That's blackmail."

"That's THRUSH. Your choice."

"Hmm, rather I'd say it was yours." Solo shot the guy before he even had a chance. Kuryakin took out the hot dog vendor without even blinking.

"Now what?" Solo started to untie me.

"Now we see what they have to say."

"Dead men tell no tales."

"They're only sleeping." Kuryakin retrieved the briefcase, checking to make sure the contents were still intact. "We'll take them back to HQ, hold them for a bit and then let them go."

"Just let them go?" I asked as Solo helped me stand.

"Oh, I can assured you that THRUSH will deal with them quite severely. They don't care for operatives who come and spend time with us."

"But if you don't interrogate them…"

"How will THRUSH know?" Kuryakin's smile was chilling.

"And Felicia?"

"I suspect her THRUSH days are over. She was the weak link and they don't like those or loose ends. UNCLE will put her someplace safe until we're sure THRUSH has lost interest in her. Her usefulness was to these two and if they are retired, as it were, I feel they won't be very interested in her for very long. She'll have to be placed under guard, of course." There was something leading in his tone and Solo picked up on it.

"Oh, yes, someone would have to be willing to act as her bodyguard and make sure that everything went the UNCLE way. Someone we could trust…"

They say only fools rush in, but in that instant, I made a snap decision, not just for her, but for both of us. "What if she were to have a full-time guard? Someone who has already proven himself trustworthy."

"It would have to be an exceptional man. Someone willing to give up everything for her." Solo's eyes caught mine.

"I am."

And that's how I ended up being a turkey farmer. UNCLE let me keep most of my training intact, just in case THRUSH came looking. They never did to my knowledge. Felicia knows something happened, but she's so happy with her new life that she doesn't seem to care. I still miss my family, of course. They think I died in an accident on the Brooklyn Bridge, but I have a lovely wife, three great kids and a nice circle of friends. Some would think I'd made the ultimate sacrifice, but for me, it was just seeing the end of a long-held dream. I finally married that girl from my philosophy class. I have a good life and don't regret a minute of it. I'd say I've filed for and won the biggest claim UNCLE ever paid out. And for me, that's enough.


End file.
